Scottish Labour - In desperate search of a Fat Lady

Scottish Opera has brought in Five:15 for Glasgow and Edinburgh's cultural enjoyment.

Five:15 consists of five bite-sized chunks of Opera each lasting 15 minutes. An inspired idea and one that is receiving great reviews so far.

The Scottish Labour Party's offering to the Winter Calendar is a soapier style of opera and lasts longer than 15 minutes. I make it 5 months now and the fat lady is still to grace the stage to signal something of an end.

The latest twist? Margaret Curran, who had until recently been playing a grudging clapping monkey to Wendy 'organ grinder' Alexander, has broken ranks and is trying to fell the Paisley heroine by claiming she has been "shocking and appalling" in her performances as leader.

Alexander's dim but faithful assistant Jackie Baillie, too loyal for her own good, has run valiantly to the scene to defend her friend and leader. Needless to say this is a solo part of the play with Andy Kerr and Iain Gray watching on morosely from Stage Left. Rumours that Gordon Brown was watching from Stage Right alongside Nicolas Sarkozy and Margaret Thatcher are as yet unfounded. He did promise he would be there to see it but that doesn't tend to count for much.

Like all good operas, this will ultimately end with blood on the floor and knives in the back. It even mirrors the most popular of the Five:15 operas:

the abuse of power, the imposition of knowledge, the nature of oppression and the betrayal of trust

The title of this 15 minute show is The Perfect Woman. Sadly, The Cunning Little Vixen would be a more appropriate title for Ms Curran's current offering.

As has been said before: "Margaret Curran? I wouldn't even send her for my messages..."

I look forward to Act 17 of this never-ending tale.....