This is the big enchilada

I don't know what Campbeltown have in store for Sunday night but one of her sons will take part in the US of A Superbowl that night and you've got to think there'll be a bit of a party atmosphere out in the west.

Lawrence Tynes is not only the kicker but he almost single-handedly dragged the unbeaten New England Patriots into the final with some fine kicking against Green Bay. Yes, it would be easy to imagine the random Scot in the team cleaned the shoes and played a couple of minutes each game but this guy is one of the key players.

So it's no wonder he's excited, calling the event the "creme de la creme" and "the big enchilada".

I'm guessing he picked that last phrase up over in the States rather than in downtown Campbeltown though...!

Farewell Jeremy

It's always a sure sign that you're getting older when the obituary pages start to include people you actually remember watching when you were younger.

And so, sadly, it is the case today as I see that Jeremy Beadle has moved on.

I seem to remember he got a lot of stick back in the day but now I can't think for what as Beadle's About and You've Been Framed were always the talk of the playground, highly creative and genuinely funny so viewing figures must have been huge. And I didn't actually realise Jeremy was awarded an MBE for services to charity.

So a sad day and the tributes from people who knew him show he was a good man indeed.

Chief Whips

I don't stand to gain much from writing this post but maybe it's the Catholic in me that makes me think a bit of public shame would do me good.

It is only today that I have fully understood the role of the chief whip.


I guess I had always imagined ex-Chief Whips Jacqui Smith or Geoff Hoon using all their seasoned political aggression, not to mention a cat o' nine tails, to bring the wide-o backbenchers into line behind closed doors. Whimpering and pleading from the young Labour upstarts would have no effect as the stony grimace and chiselled brow remained in place on Jacqui or Geoff's face as they went about their business. The Chief Whip could happily lash away, safe in the knowledge that after another 8 hour shift serving party and country they could be sure that near-unanimous support for Iraq, ID Cards and nuclear weapons would remain in place despite what these damn blood-soaked lefties would support if they were left to vote of their own free will.


So given the above, it was with some confusion yesterday when I learned that Mr Conway's punishment was to be spared a regular whipping.


I knew Tory MPs have been a bit kinky in the past but I didn't know it was so widespread.....!


Now, of course, all is clear and when I next see Jacqui Smith or Geoff Hoon, I'll be able to look them in the eye without picturing either of them giving me 50 strokes for disagreeing on childcare voucher schemes.

Irrational Haverings

Front page news in The Scotsman today is a story that Edinburgh, specifically the Edinburgh Festival, is a top terrorist target.

This view comes from Superintendent Brett Lovegrove (and perhaps part-time cabaret singer with a name like that). I don't know if I am more dismayed with Brett for his irrational haverings or with The Scotsman for printing this guff.

Of course, my initial reaction is why does Brett feel the need to inform of us this? Call me cynical but my mind is cast back to the Michael Moore film Fahrenheit 9/11 and the way in which government institutions use scare tactics and vague words about terrorism to ratchet up the fear factor.

Now, it's not like the Labour party have had a run of bad luck in the past wee while and they need to change tack drastically. Oh, wait, hang on... And of course there's good reasons why support in Scotland needs shoring up...

So given the festival is a good 6 months away and there is no suggestion of a credible threat other than the vague wafflings of Mr Groovylove, I think I'll be happy to base myself in Edinburgh for the next wee while with tram delays taking up more of my thoughts than random terror attacks.

But let's look at some of the weird things Brett wishes to share with us:

A good start is comparing paragraphs six and eight:

Paragraph 6 "Unfortunately, it isn't a case of 'if' there will be an attack on Edinburgh but 'when'"
Paragraph 8 "I don't have specific intelligence that Edinburgh is going to be the next target."


The bizarre nature of this story was further reinforced with this truly odd statement:

"We mustn't be stereotypical – a terrorist is just as likely to be a white, blonde woman as opposed to the image many people may hold."

Oh really? Yes, we've found there were a lot of white, blonde women involved in 9/11, 7/7, Spanish train bombings not to mention countless foiled attacks in the UK, you strange, silly, glove-puppet of a man...


And once again, shame on The Scotsman for leading with such a daft, empty story.

Staring death in the face

I've always found it rather morbid to be walking through a cemetery so I try to keep such activity to a minimum. A recent trip to Arlington Cemetery was rather emotional I must admit.

But all that is nothing compared to the fate of Andy Lees who saw his very own gravestone before him as it will be when his time comes.

Bruce McWillis

I had a bit of an interesting experience last night.

I was walking down Forrest Road in Edinburgh, just past the Bedlam Theatre where a lot of drunks hang out.

Well, one guy was lying in a very odd position half-way down a set of stairs so myself and a friend went to investigate. He was totally out of it and his legs were at a very ugly angle but thankfully nothing was broken. We were getting no response at all from the guy but an ambulance soon turned up.

The ambulance driver sighed a bit as he walked over to us, suggesting that this wasn't the first time he'd been called out to this neck of the woods. Infact, the regularity of this situation was reinforced when a second ambulance arrived on the scene minutes later.

Ambulance-man number one was certainly a lot more direct than we were with our lightweight fawnings "Oh, are you ok there mate?" said in that admittedly annoyingly honey-soaked voice.

No, no, this Bruce Willis of the NHS was having none of that. He poked and prodded and lightly slapped him a bit shouting "Come on then, are you aw'right?", a line not unlike some used by Widow Twanky in her time, though I decided it best not to mention this. The eventual response from the prostrate man was less than panto-esque as the guy tried to crack Bruce one on the chin and shouted some abuse his way.

Bruce stood up in a flash, took off the hospital gloves and said "that's all I need to know" as he walked off.

And that, as they say, was that as the three of us were left. Two standing, itching to go for a beer, and one lying down, muttering under his cider-sodden breath.


So we weren't entirely sure what to do as the drunk turned and tried to get comfortable on a cold January night, using a raised kerb as a pillow. It's not outwith the realms of possibility that the guy could have died last night and we wandered off to a warm pub?


I couldn't help but think that even a short phone call from Bruce to a known charity or home could have been of benefit. I daresay ten minutes after we left someone else stopped to see if the drunk guy was ok and ambulances could have been called every 20 mins or so which is a dangerous waste of time if all they are going to get is a punch on the chin for their troubles.


So I don't know, something doesn't quite add up with the system there but I can't quite table a suggestion for what is required.

John Loughton wins Big Brother

Yeah, this is pretty much FYI.

I have neither the time nor the inclination to write any more than to say that he picked up a cheque for £50k and good on the lad.

Would you like a big stick with your carrots Sir?

Just got into work somewhat late and looking like a drowned rat minus the tail. And before stepping into the building a nice bus driver managed to splash me just to really put the icing on the cake of one heck of a morning. What a pavlova!

I guess long gone are the rainy days when I and other misguided youngsters would stand by large puddles and wait apprehensively for a car to come and give us a good soaking. I tell you, it's a good thing they got rid of Typhoid when they did or we could have been in big trouble.

Anyway, it seems today's illness of choice is obesity. And choice is, of course, the operative word there.

That same bus that threatened to give me Typhoid earlier (or a cold chill below the knee at least) had emblazoned on the side of it a Scottish Government advert about Healthy Eating and how food is now colour coded to ensure you know what's best for you.

I have to admit to sighing a little bit at yet another expensive advertising campaign that probably won't do very much but I could at least see this one making a slight dent in the ever expanding problems (not to mention waistlines) relating to food in this country.

I can't imagine the hot dog and chips generation are going to be too swayed by a couple of red, orange and green dots. I had the pleasure of working with a large industrial company in deepest, darkest Glasgow. There was colour coding everywhere but the salad bar and 'healthy option' of meat and two veg were equally eschewed for the pizzas, pies and chips counter.


There's a long way to go to get Scotland slimmer and fitter and if we are going to go down the nanny state option (which I would be happy with), then it'll be sticks and not carrots that get results.

Wendy

In advance of the Electoral Commission's conclusion on Wendy's dodgy donation I thought I'd choose this time to restate my opinion on the affair.

For me, Wendy's 'sins' sit in between those of Peter Hain's and Allan Johonson's.

Peter Hain's actions have led him to be referred to the police and the sums involve amount to hundreds of thousands of pounds. Of course he should have resigned.

Allan Johnson does genuinely seem to have complied with the law regarding his £3,334 donation. For me it seems it was the donor that has acted (at worst) sloppily. Of course he deserves to stay on.

Which brings me to Wendy Alexander.

She has broken the law which Scots and Independent is at pains to reinforce.

For me though, the overriding decision that people must make is do we really care? It's £950 for a contest in which Wendy was the only candidate. And I wager there would be very few people who would want to see her head roll for such an innocuous crime. So let's give her the token slap on the wrist and move on.

Doing 80mph in a 70 zone or not wearing your seatbelt involve instances where one has broken the law. Any sort of punishment for either of the above is generally seen as heavy-handed and, for me, Wendy's £950 is nothing more than the political equivalent of 'unintenionally' going over the speed limit. One has to really ask if an Electoral Commission and even a police investigation is really worth the time and money involved.

Will Holyrood be a better place for having a chastised and chastened Wendy Alexander at the helm of the Labour Party? Are people outwith the Holyrood Bubble baying for her blood? Is there anyone else in the Labour ranks who could do as able a job as she?

The answer to all of the above is a resounding "no" so let's hope the journalists and opposition parties end this charade of outrage and dismay and we can let Wendy get back to shooting her mouth off in First Minister's Questions and getting smacked back down by Alex every week.

What's He Waiting For?

There are some things in life that are certain.

• When you drop your toast it'll land butter-side down.
• My horse in the Grand National will not get a mention unless the commentator happens to see it fall at the first fence.
• When your Australian friends visit you, they'll want to go out for a beer on the first night.
• Andy Murray will always have silly hair.

To the above list, we can add another: John Edwards will not be the next President of the United States of America.

So it begs the question, what is he still doing in the race? I understand he is a very rich man so maybe he just likes the attention but his campaign must be haemorrhaging money at this late stage.

I guess he is well aware that his relatively static 13% support is ultimately going to the be the king or queen maker in the Demcratic contest. Though if national polls are to be believed it is John Edwards, perversely, who will be picking not just a candidate but the next American president assuming he wants to be someone's running mate again.

So I ask again, what is he waiting for? And I really am asking so if anyone has any ideas, feel free to leave a reply....

Fingers in the Cookie Jar

Oh my. What is it with the Tory party that just when they think they can start to look smug they take two steps backwards.

It turns out that the Tory MP Derek Conway has been paying his son through university with taxpayers' money.


I would say that Mr Conway's "administrative shortcomings" grossly outweigh Wendy's "unintentional wrongdoing" and even Hain's "incompetence".


Incidentally, if any other Tory MP's are looking for new staff, please don't hesitate to get in touch. I don't live very close to London but I'm sure that won't be a problem...

Last Orders

So the drink-related brinksmanship has come to a not-so-bitter end as Scottish and Newcastle is punted offshore for £7.8bn.

It’s the latest in a long line of Scottish and British companies that have been taken over by foreign owners and as much as I believe in free, open markets, I can’t help but think it a shame that Scandinavians control our beer and Spaniards control our energy and so on.

But, we’re all one big happy family the world over so I’m sure the Kronenburg and San Miguel will still be flowing long into 2008 and beyond.

No, what really concerns me is one very big knock-on effect of today’s announcement.


It’s no secret that Ernst and Young are the auditors of Scottish & Newcastle and not much of a secret that they rely on S&N for a very large slice of their income.

Now, KPMG audit both of Carlsberg and Heineken so it’s not a wild leap into the unimaginable to envisage that KPMG will be the auditors of S&N before too long. Infact, this ‘referred work’ is common practise among the Big 4.

And it is this very phrase “Big 4” that has me somewhat concerned as without S&N as a major client or any other sizeable client to take its place, Ernst and Young (Edinburgh) may have to be merged into Ernst and Young (Glasgow) meaning there would only be a “Big 3” in Scotland’s capital.


Keep in mind that Edinburgh is the fifth largest city economy in Europe but how would her reputation suffer on the global stage if it can’t even attract all four of the major accountancy firms to its streets?

Was First Minister’s Questions a total wash-out this week? I can’t help but wonder why there has been no chat on it?

Perhaps the budget and Peter ‘shiniest Domino of 2008 award winner’ Hain’s resignation got in the way of anything cropping up?

Or maybe it was another week of poor performances and missed punches as Anseo suggests?


More importantly, am I able to end a sentence without turning it into a question?

Maybe John McTernan got the same taxi driver as I did yesterday as narrow-minded and racist certainly sprang to mind with the following chat:

(Upon stopping at traffic lights in front of a car with a Polish registration plate)

Taxi Driver: "This country's full of Poles now"

Me: "Yeah, it's great"

TD: "They're here for the long term too"

Me: "Well, the world is getting smaller"

TD: "You know they're just here for the social security"

Me: (*Enjoying this immensely*) "Well, every one I've met from there seems to work their ass off"


Upon realising that he wasn't going to get a ranting session on the go about those "Bloody Poles" then he stayed a bit quiet after that. He also lost out on his tip, of course.


I suppose taxi drivers have to be careful these days. But I'll let him off this time...

Run For Your Lives!!

Are those Crazy Americans actually, genuinely crazy?


Before I just used that adjective as a term of endearment but they've gone and done it now.


To have to drop one quarter percentage point for the sake of the economy is unfortunate but to have to drop two is just careless. So what the heck are we meant to make of a truly shocking 3 1/4s of a percentage point drop in US interest rates?


Well, I'll tell you. Panic in the ranks of the US Stock Market, a similar drop in the UK rates and house prices taking off again. There's already talk of an emergency Bank of England meeting, presumably to follow suit and drop rates substantially.


Drastic times may well call for drastic action but the US Fed's knee-jerk reaction may very well kick the world economy out the window.


I said it before and I'll say it again. I'm glad I don't own any shares. There's going to be some absolute bargain shares out there in the next few weeks and months.


I'm not sure if pension-savers will see it that way...

This is one of those days.....

... when I'm glad I own a house and don't own any shares.

I hope all readers still have their pensions intact once the US has stopped sneezing.

Historic Proportions

At High School in History I learned about the following:

Gavril(o) Princip of the Black Hand Gang shot Archduke Franz Ferdinand (and his wife). An incident that started World War 1.

Tsar Nicholas had a son who was a haemophiliac and his wife might have had an affair with Ra-Ra-Rasputin. A man with mystic powers who proved very difficult to kill.

A lot of Irish people moved to America around the 17th or 18th century.


I did not learn anything about Mary Queen of Scots, William Wallace, Rob Roy, 1707, Robert the Bruce, Macbeth or James I.


Infact, Mel Gibson is responsible for the vast majority of my knowledge of Scottish History and that, I've been told, is a decidedly shaky foundation to build from.


I know I'm a big boy now and could get a book out the library and find out for myself who our famous ancestors were, but let's give a proper history education to Scots when their young and have the capactiy to learn the Scottish equivalent of whether Mr Princip had an O in his name and what gang he was a member of.


For one thing, it would stop most of us giving a rather shameful "Uuh, I don't know" when tourists ask us about our past.

Wha's Like Us?

So it seems John McTernan has made front page news by causing a "row" from an email he wrote all of 5 years ago.

His comment that Scotland could be just like Sweden if we weren't so narrow, Presbyterian and racist has put some peoples' backs up.

Well, I enjoy a bit of schadenfreude as much as the next blinkered political party supporter but hasn't the Labour man got a point?


John is doubtless a clever and astute man and he has grasped the notion that other countries of our size seem to have a more enjoyable and a more open way of life. The visitors from various countries over the past few years have been a breath of fresh air to Scotland and despite the glib comments and suspicion they receive from Scots (and Brits at large) they continue to have a great time while many of us who have not yet fully faced up to the 21st century remain looking like a dog chewing a wasp. And for some poor souls that's on a good day.


To typify how far we have yet to go to get past the narrow-mindedness and racism (I don't know what Presbyterian means so I won't go there), a friend of mine knows someone who works for the Scottish equivalent of the CRE and they apparently regularly use the term "Paki". Quite incredible really.


The real question is, if John McTernan wants to tap into the potential optimism and Euro-style thinking that's out there, why isn't he championing independence and why hasn't he joined the SNP yet?

He'll Go Far This One

I don't know if bloggers wear gybs, nor do I really know what a gyb is but I like the cut of this person's one so far.


(With having to work all weekend, my blogging has been reduced to mentioning new-found blogs. Nothing to do with the fact that the SNP are getting a bit of a kicking at the moment, honest....)

Quote of the Day

Lord Teverson: My Lords, I congratulate the Committee and the noble Lord, Lord Sewel, on this report. It fascinates me that we are having the debate about wine after the debate on human fertilisation; in real life it is usually the other way round.



Classic.

?? in the Park

Did I hear right this morning that Kenny MacAskill is planning to bring in rules that would stop drinks companies sponsoring events?

No more T in the Park? Are the SNP crazy?


To be fair, I heard the story on Real Radio so it might not have been cutting-edge journalism.

The Invincibility of Youth

This week saw the passing of Edmund Hillary. The man who, along with the oft-overlooked sherpa Tenzing Norgay, were the first people to conquer Mount Everest.

I read a short biography on both men (Tenzing died in 1986) and each seemed to have a varied and contented life.

But upon review of each of their times here on Earth, I happened across photos of them in their 20s or 30s smiling merrily into the camera, seemingly without a care in the world. It struck me that they looked of a similar age to myself now and it unsettled me deeply that despite this fact they have now moved on.

That may read as woefully immature but the invincible feeling that youth brings is something to cherish and delight in. However, at some point, sadly, it gets stripped away from you and seemingly it doesn't occur in a gentle, gradual fashion but rather on several stark, remorseless occasions that can only be likened to being hit across the head with a frying pan. Not only will my time come but that 'time' may well be swiftly and relentlessly approaching.

My other 'frying pan moment' of 2008 occurred last week.

I've had the joy of staying with family for the past couple of months. For some people this would be hell on earth but thankfully that is not the case under this roof. Not so long ago contact to my family was with the sporadic email or weekly phone call so to have these bonds strengthened by constant rubbing of shoulders and swapping of chat has been nice.

Well, it was on the train into Edinburgh during this time period that I had another startling thought on the fragility of life. I was half-snoozing, listening away to some music on the i-pod with my father on the other side of the table who was wide-eyed, engrossed in The Herald. From this you should be able to deduce which is the morning person and which isn't.

I don't know why the thought suddenly penetrated through the earphones and into my groggy mind but it hit me that one day, fairly soon, I would pay thousands of pounds or run over hot coals just to have a half of an hour to sit across a table from my Dad. And yet here I was with that same opportunity and clearly not making the best use of it. I of course didn't say any of this on the packed 7:16am to Edinburgh but I at least took my earphones out and discussed the day's news a bit with my wide-awake Dad.

I still don't know why my thoughts had turned this way. Maybe it was my father's earlier, sobering news that his age had now surpassed both of his own parents. Maybe it's as my own age approaches 30 that thoughts become skewed towards life and how precious even small moments are.

I don't even know how to close this blog entry off to be honest. I think I just wanted to mark down some fleeting thoughts and not dodge that frying pan that brings home some simple truths from time to time.

I do always try to spin any moment into a positive so from these bittersweet thoughts on just how transient life is, I offer Mark Twain's best ever line as a fitting escape. A line that I'm sure would resonate with Tenzing or Edmund f they were here today.

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails.

Peter Hain ---> The First Domino

I am genuinley quite impressed at how Wendy Alexander has dodged the bullet so far and has not yet had to resign for the dodgy donations 'scandal'. Of course, the white knuckle ride is not over yet as the Electoral Commission are due to report on the affair in the next couple of weeks.

It had been thought that the result of this report would be her Battle of Bunker Hill moment. Can she withstand the pressure when (not if) the Commission find her to be in the wrong?

But a colder wind has blown her way from the South. It seems Peter Hain has found himself on the front pages not once, not twice but three times over. He also has the dubious honour of being front page news on the BBC as I type.

Personally, I don't know what he should be more embarrassed about. Failing to declare £100,000 of donations for the leadership contest or spending 5000% more money than Hillary Benn and still losing out to him in the fifth round.

Mr Hain simply cannot remain unpunished for this flagrant disregard for the rules. The man is a tanned weasel with hair too slick for one so old but even if you thought he was nice as pie you would surely agree he has to answer for his misdeeds.

Gordon Brown, to be fair, is between a rock and a hard place. As these stories crop up with the Labour hierarchy remaining quiet, they seem to be tacitly suggesting that no wrongdoing has taken place. Of course, deep down they probably disagree but can't fire anyone or let anyone resign for fear of the domino effect throughout the party.

If Hain resigns, then Alexander should. If Alexander resigns, then Harman should. We've all played Dominos so I don't know why I'm labouring the point but it's becoming increasingly clear that resignations are very much on the cards.

Maybe Calum Cashley is right to speculate about a new Scottish Labour leader after all. But Helen Eadie? I dare not even dream about it....

Be Careful What You Wish For

So, as everyone else is no doubt expecting, Barack Obama is sure to sweep to victory in New Hampshire leaving Hillary a broken candidate. She may still feasibly somehow roar back in the big state primaries on Feb 5th but it seems her flush is well and truly busted.

As a current Obama fan, I am of course perfectly content with this turn of events but look at what’s happening on the other side. John McCain has found a second wind. Does anyone else think there may be a link between the two? Are the Republicans shrewdly picking the best guy to beat Obama and hoping the Democrats fall for it hook, line and sinker?

To back my point, let me paint a picture of a cold and blustery October:

The joint Republican ticket of John McCain and Mike Huckabee is beginning to take hold amongst the American electorate. The public are slowly but surely pulling back from the longstanding support for the Democrats. Iraq is getting better, the dollar is recovering and mortgages, jobs and school funds are felt to be in a safer place with the grounded and experienced McCain in control of the reins rather than a self-confessed roll of the dice.

Obama meanwhile is trying to make lightning strike twice, he’s running all over the place, he’s banging on about change, he’s rolling his sleeves up, he’s trying to stir the imagination with his colourful tongue. But suddenly there is a real lightweight feel about the young kid on the block and his ever smiling sidekick John Edwards. It seems he can’t quite work the same magic that propelled him to be the Democratic nominee back in early 2008.

Obama begins to wonder if all that time when the Democratic nomination was decided but the Republican primaries were still closely fought could be his current undoing. All that air time the Republicans had, all that free air play of their policies, constant debates on how they’d beat Obama, filling the country with the fear that they were now using to reverse Obama’s high polling figures. Like a lamb to the slaughter, he never had a chance.

And the grassroots Democrats can’t believe it, how could they have been so naïve? It’s John Kerry mark 2 up there and the Republicans, somehow, are going to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat having trailed in the polls for so long. “Four more years. Four more years” they grudgingly mutter as they traipse home on election night, their giant foam fingers trailing along the ground parallel to the tail tucked between their legs.


And yet, if I were from New Hampshire, I’d still vote for Obama today without even thinking about it. A lack of thought. therein may well lie the Democrats ultimate problem.

Abortion

There are many issues that I like to take a wide berth of either through my own lack of knowledge or because I lack the passion to make a sufficiently solid stance on a sensitive topic.

I could quite reasonably use either of the above reasons to give the subject of abortion a miss but with the Republicans airing the issue so regularly and a growing national debate within Scotland I thought I would get on board.


And even though I am somewhat alarmed at positioning myself alongside those crazy Republicans I can't help but use "Thou Shalt Not Kill" as the basis for my beliefs.

I appreciate that unplanned pregnancies can be inconvenient for a family (to put it mildly) but I struggle to disassociate two made-up images in my mind:

(1) Parents who decide to terminate a pregnancy as it has come too early in their life plan or due to relatively minor physical/mental health issues

(2) Parents who take their children out the back and shoot them because they're just becoming a nuisance.

The first set of parents can do so legally and the second set would probably spend the rest of their life in jail. Though why I use the term "parents" I am not so sure as I believe that once a man has 'got a girl' pregnant (for want of a better phrase) then he has ceded all say on what happens to the child until it is born.

However, I definitely struggle to see why the size and form of a baby, coupled with the thin barrier to the world of a woman's stomach, means the child can be treated so differently. For me, once life has been created, it's not for us to take it away.


Even the super sensitive instances of pregnancy as a consequence of rape do not justify abortion in my book. I would draw comparisons with children in orphanages to make my point. Both sets are unwanted, both have the right to a chance of life.


But then, despite these seemingly deeply held theoretical beliefs (which are so easy to dream up sitting here watching football in the background), I find my thinking to be drastically altered when out in the real world.

Have I ever had even a flicker of dismay at the mention of my friends being on the pill? No. Do I agree a woman has the right to choose? Absolutely. Do I bristle when I walk past known abortion clinics? Not in the slightest.

Even my one eye-opening discussion of a real-life instance was interesting for how it revealed how compromised my supposedly principled beliefs are:

An ex-girlfriend of mine had an abortion (years before I had met her I hasten to add). Upon recounting her story, I was far from feeling the need to be outraged, I didn't want to hunt down the doctor that did it and not for a second did my inner monologue let out the words "Yoooou murderer!". My only feelings were of sympathy, a reaction that the Mummy with the pistol in the back garden would be very lucky to receive.


The girl in question, rather than having this child at 17 has now had an education, runs her own business and has a growing happy family. It would take the hardest of hearts to deny someone such a happy ending.


So I guess my own somewhat hypocritical heart is merely confused on the whole issue.

Horror Show

I saw this story on BBC News Scotland.

I'm sure half of the Labour ranks in the Holyrood Chamber could help them out......

So Sharp He'll Cut Himself

I was out with friends last night in the swish Cafe Royale. An establishment that was once voted the ideal place in Edinburgh to have a first date (something that Kezia Dugdale and Scottish ToryBoy may want to keep in mind.....)

Anyway, a roaring discussion on Politics took over before too long and this was in no small part due to fellow blogger Robert Sharp who turned out to be a friend of a friend and joined our table. So thanks for that, especially for inadvertently unveiling that a good mate of mine is pro-independence.

Robert is clearly a very sharp, broad-minded and switched on guy so it's no wonder he is off for a plum Politics job in the big city soon. I'll be sure to check out that certain blog on a more regular basis.


And now, back to nursing my hangover!

Old Skool

I like to think I'm generally a laid-back type of person but occasionally I have a sleepless night from worrying about work. I find the best way to escape from this tumult is to force myself into thinking 'Well, Jeff, if you don't get that reconciliation to balance, is it really going to make such a big screaming deal in the grand scheme of things?'.

More often than not, that answer is no.

But alas, there are some out there who are not so lucky. Does Gordon Brown sleep soundly at night or does he worry incessantly about the huge responsibility resting on those broad shoulders? Alastair Darling seems a fairly chilled out guy but he's responsible for billions upon billions of private and public money. How does he sleep? And David Milliband must occasionally balk at how he's going to use his diplomatic talents to try to solve the Kenyan, Iraqi and Palestinian problems of this world. Maybe he wonders if he should cash in his chips and go for the easy life in big business?

I can't begin to imagine how these people cope with such ridiculously difficult jobs.

But my utmost concern sits with Ed Balls and Fiona Hyslop and their education briefs. The responsibility of ensuring British and Scottish children receive the best education possible. If you mess that one up then you may well have caused hundreds of thousands of people to have a life of misery and poverty as opposed to a life of contentment.

And a quick browse of BBC News shows just what they have to contend with:

Poorest children falling behind, attacks on teachers are at a record high, school sizes are fit to burst and classroom assistants (annual salary £7k-£10k) are used to fill vacancies.

Where would you start?


Well, I'm going to hide behind a fairly distant family member on this one as he came up with what he thinks is the golden bullet for fixing schools in our countries.


The common denominator in all of the above news headlines is arguably the unruly kids. Take those kids out of the equation and the poorest children would have more time and attention to learn, attacks on teachers would certainly decrease sharply, school sizes would obviously decline and classroom assistants would no longer be so desperately needed to fill shortfalls that no longer existed.


Now for the controversial bit. The second part of this supposed solution is to have spaces for these unruly kids, large buildings where they can go if they clearly don't want to learn. Retired people can oversee them but to a greater extent, between the hours of 9am and 3:30pm (or however long school lasts these days), these kids would be stripped out of the education system, sitting or standing just doing nothing as the minutes ticked by, allowing those who wanted to learn to get on with it. Maybe the crushing boredom would bring them back into line, maybe they would see out such a situation until their 17 and somehow find work thereafter. But rule #1 is: Let the kids who want to learn do so.


I went to a pretty decent school but I can still think of a good 10 or 20 people in my year who the rest of us would have liked to have seen elsewhere rather than causing constant chaos in the classroom. At the time our school's approach seemed to be to sit the wild kids with the brainy ones in the hope that even a fraction of our diligent approach to work would rub off on the kids who seemed to prefer throwing insults (and occasionally chairs) in the teacher's direction. And looking back, the Maths nerd inside me can't help but smile guiltily at the thought of uninterrupted algebra lessons while the crazy kids padded out their time a few miles down the road.


Don't get me wrong, as it was being explained to me, deep down I was aware that this somewhat draconian approach must have been incorrect, I just couldn't find the words to explain why it was injust, backwards and possibly a little bit fascist.

Or maybe I secretly would quite like this old skool approach if it meant Ed Balls, Fiona Hyslop and any future kids of mine, would all have sleep-filled nights free from the nuisance of out-of-control neds.

Obama and Huckaee make their moves

So, it may only be 350,000 or so Amereicans who actually voted, or should I say stood in a certain corner, but the first state of 50 have nailed their colours to the mast and I'm delighted to see that Iowans have backed Obama so resoundingly, Barack receiving 37.6% to Hillary's 29.5%.

I am even delighted in their backing of Mike Huckabee as, of the Republicans going for President, I have to say Huckabee seems the most palatable.

And the result is a little boost for my ego as this morning's result matches my own prediction last month.

Now I just hope Obama can continue the momentum into New Hampshire, win there and then pick up all of John Edward's backing, his money and, best of all, his supporters. The dream ticket of Obama and Edwards is one giant step closer this morning.

I think this quote, taken before yesterday's result, captures the opportunity well:

""When it's this close in both parties, what happens five days earlier in Iowa is bound to affect the New Hampshire result. If Romney or Clinton loses Iowa, they may go down in New Hampshire as well," Schneider added.

I don't know who Schneider is, but I like the cut of their gib.

Big Brother's Little Parliamentarian

He is either cannily promoting himself and his noble worldly aims on national television or he hasn't learned George Galloway's cruel lesson that Politics and Reality TV just don't mix but, whichever it is, step forward John Loughton, Chairman of the Scottish Youth Parliament and the latest ambassador of the Scottish political scene on a UK platform. He will be appearing in Celebrity Big Brother, presumably from tomorrow night.

I was intrigued by this affable chap so I digged a little into his history, digging that resulted in me learning to my horror that I am no longer officially a "Young Scot". No doubt I will soldier on despite this shock in a manly way that befits my many years.

Anyway, back to John Loughton. He is 20 years old, born in Edinburgh, studying Politics and Sociology at Stirling University, fiercely anti-nuclear, he wishes to stand for public office in the next couple of years, he seems to have coined the phrase: "young people are citizens of today rather than just adults of tomorrow", he thinks people with red hair are hard done by, he has shaken hands with John Swinney and, interestingly, he voted Lib Dem in 2007 with the SSP close to winning his second vote.

Whether we watch Big Brother or not I daresay we are going to come to know a lot about this young man and I genuinely hope we also find ourselves very fond of and impressed with him. So much so that I am tempted to stick a tenner on him being the First Minister of Scotland one fine day. Well, only a little bit tempted, he is a Lib Dem after all. Not that such a lowly party affiliation stops some people's rather wild ambitions.

However, despite all these lofty ideals and early press attention, one has to wonder, was John's decision not to switch off his rather public Bebo website an example of youthful naivety? Time will tell....

The Year Ahead

It's tricky to get over just how excited and optimistic I am about 2008.

I won't go into the personal side of why the above is the case but beside that we have an SNP Government riding as high as it could dream, beating Labour in Holyrood polls and, amazingly, UK Westminster polls.

There is the Olympics to come (an event I hope to see first hand), the Euro 2008 finals, more Edinburgh Festival shenanigans, domestic and international travel is as cheap and readily available as ever, people in Scotland seem more into food and sports and cultural events than I had noticed before and people just seem happier in general. I spent Hogmanay on Princes St and it was such a good atmosphere down there, great banter with the locals selling Scotland to the tourists every few yards or so with their charm. And I happened to be sober so I'm not typing through Buckfast-tinted glasses.

Looking further afield, particularly with the American Elections in mind where I really, really hope Barack Obama eventually wins out, I just have this feeling we're on the cusp of a very special era, a real coming together of people from far and wide and a willingness to mix and learn with those who have different backgrounds as much as possible. We have all seen the rapid transfer of people across the globe over the past decade or so and I truly believe that we are about to reap the maximum dividends that such diversity will bring all over the world. Dare I say it but could 2008 be the year that Iraq finds a modicum of calm and Palestinians and Israelis finally find a lasting settlement?

To typify my worldly good feelings, over Christmas I went out for a dinner with some work colleagues, colleagues who just happened to be working on the same client I had been on. Well, of the 9 of us, the following countries were represented: USA, Belgium, Hong Kong, Australia, UK, Indonesia, Colombia and Egypt. Pretty much all the continents sitting round eating pizzas and having a fantastic night out together. Maybe that's not such a big deal for some and it may even be an aggravation for others but I couldn't help think it was pretty cool as I loudly proclaimed at the time in my somewhat wine-sodden state.

And, as I look across to Edinburgh Castle, my festive spirit is boosted even further as it's decided to snow.

Bring on 2008, I expect great things for one and all!

Staying out of Trouble

I don't want to worry anyone unnecessarily but 2008 may well be the year that we see ID Cards, 28 day detentions without charge, nuclear weapon rebuilding programmes and significantly increased stop and search.

So, given Gordon Brown's apparent plans to turn the UK into something resembling a Mad Max movie I thought it best to warn readers of how to avoid being hauled in for questioning when all you thought you were doing was minding your own business:

It's illegal to enter the Houses of Parliament in a suit of armour.

In Scotland, it is illegal to be a drunk in possession of a cow.

It is illegal to fish on Sundays, also in Scotland.

In York, it's legal to murder someone from Scotland..but only if they're carrying a bow and arrow.

In Chester, you can only shoot a Welsh person with a bow and arrow inside the city walls and after midnight.

It is illegal to die in the Houses of Parliament (so Gordon Brown's early PMQ displays should really see him getting a long sentence I would think)

A pregnant woman can legally relieve herself anywhere she wants.

In Scotland, if someone knocks on the door and needs to use your toilet, you have to let them in (and presumably a pregnant lady could just go for it on the living room carpet without getting into any trouble)

It's illegal to eat meat pies on Christmas Day

Any boy under the age of 10 may not see a naked mannequin.

It's an act of treason to put a postage stamp on upside-down if it has a British monarch's picture on it

It is illegal for a student to walk through Trinity College without a sword.

In Trinity college students can demand a glass of wine at any time during an exam (provided they are wearing their sword presumably)

So there you go, that should help you stay out of trouble into 2008 and beyond. Though if you happen to have a longish beard and are foreign looking, then there's very little I can do for you I'm afraid.

Some of our arcane laws are just getting started I guess.

Strangulation on Platform Six

Strangulation - to compress or constrict so as to suppress function.

Perhaps not the cheeriest of topics for the first working day of 2008 but my thoughts could not help but turn to more morbid areas as I returned to commuting with a packed train and an increased rail fare to contend with. The First Rail lady even looked embarrassed as she charged me my return ticket to Edinburgh from Stirling this morning.

Thankfully commuting will be very much a short-term experience for me but I could not help but think that being strangled must be how it feels for many commuters out there.

(1) City centre house prices rocket so living outside the city for young professionals becomes a necessity.

(2) Petrol prices go through the roof so running a car on top of servicing a mortgage that has crept up incrementally over the past year is just no longer possible. Even if you are flush enough to operate a car, one would need the patience of an angel to happily sit in any one of the morning queues up and down the UK.

(3) Therefore the would-be triviality of just getting to work becomes an arduous ordeal as we run the gauntlet that is public transport. Crammed carriages and ever-increasing rail fares become par for the course. Not to mention the delays that make a mockery of a successful work-life balance.

I pity the poor Londoners who feel the cold hands around their necks most tightly.

Maybe the deadened stare of your average Tube passenger says it all: Resistance is futile.

Ethnic Divisions

I can't say that I am particularly clued up on the political scene in Kenya but I have seen enough to be shocked and saddened at the brewing mess that seems set to bubble over for weeks to come.

Any country that conducts elections where one area has 102,000 registered voters and almost all 102,000 of them vote for the 'winner' has to have had their electoral procedures breaking down somewhere along the way. It's enough to make someone consider a career change into election observing.

So that was pretty shocking but the saddening part is the "ethnic divisions" that have become newsworthy through all of this. I was going to say these divisions arose as a result of the election but goodness knows for how many generations the Kalenjins, the Somalis, the Merus, the Embus and so on have lived so restlessly in such close proximity.

And yet, why should anyone be surprised at such civil unrest? The world over we currently have the issues of Israelis and Palestines, Sunnis and Shiites, Serbs and Albanians, Pakistanis and Indians, Rwandan Tsutsis and Hutus, Ugandan Civil War, Indonesian unrest, Chechen Uprising etc etc etc so we should be, if we aren't already, almost immune to the images of two ethnic groups in a far flung land finding a new reason to beat the shit out of each other.

So with 2008 ahead of us, and support for Scottish independence approaching the 50% mark, let us at least be thankful that political differences in this country won't be settled with mass riots and bodies on fire in burning churches.


Then again, if everyone's favourite Orangeman gets the jail, who knows what sort of carnage may ensue...